I am currently sitting on my back porch in a t-shirt + undies. It has quite literally become one of my favorite summer pastimes this year. Being a mom to 3 boys makes it that much harder to carve out freedom like this, and let me tell ya, there is nothing like it.
It is an innocent freedom. A simple self care tactic that makes me feel like I am breaking the rules, in a safe way. Funny, huh? I don't know why I like breaking the rules, or the feeling that comes with it, but I can't be alone in this... or maybe I am, and that's ok too!
I would wager it has something to do with my people pleasing disease, ahem... I mean nature.
It is deeply rooted in me - the notion to make peace for others even at my own cost of peace, and I fight it everyday - mostly by just questioning my motives on decisions I am making. Like... A LOT (said in my best Lloyd Christmas voice.) It sounds something like this: "Aimee, are you choosing this because you know it will make so and so happy, or are you choosing this because it's the right thing to do? Is it what YOU want and need?"
It serves me well. Keeps me in the know...on myself.
Knowing myself and my why's ground me. I don't feel like I am just out here all willy nilly letting the tiniest of winds change my direction. I am building the life + future I want to have.
The kind of life I have prayed for.
The kind of life that is simple yet satisfying.
I took this picture of myself the other day, and I kind of love it. I am sitting in front of a very dirty mirror, (because my housekeeping skills are not as important to me as spending time playing with my kids, being with friends + loved ones, or making art!) so I almost didn't keep the photo for that reason, but then I looked at it again, with different eyes. I embraced the grain,grit, and all of the "noise" and discovered that I actually love it. This is so me. More often than not you will find me at home+ looking just like this. Imperfect.
Wrinkles.
Wild unbrushed hair.
Bruises on legs.
No make up.
Paint splattered hands.
Maybe I will have pants on, maybe not.
This is me NOW.
Today.
And I am really loving her. I am also really starting to love my home. I have slowly started to make my home a reflection of me, mostly in small ways like paint, design, having furniture that usually wouldn't be seen as furniture, or painting appliances that normally aren't painted, adding local artist's work to my walls, also printing my own damn work, (what a novel idea) and generally just doing what I want with the house.
I am not big on material posessions, so I haven't ever really put an emphasis on buying home decor for my house. (Plus I have boys who will just wreck it in two seconds so why spend the money?) But making my own decor with my art and other artist's work? Now that is a game changer that I highly recommend.
DISCLAIMER: If you want to paint a giant unicorn on your living room wall, then do it!! ***you know who you are***
Who cares if it's right or wrong. How can it be wrong if it is something you love and brings comfort to you? All of the rules that surround decorating is just nonsense! There's always going to be people telling you that what you are doing to your kitchen, living room, bedroom etc. is wrong! Stop listening. There are no rules as to what color it should be. Yes you can have two chairs in one room, if that's what you want - it's just made up! Just like half the stuff we've been told all of our lives. I am so done with worrying what everyone thinks regarding menial things, and I really think you should be too. Save your cares for things that actually matter and let go of the rest.
Step into your life instead of letting life (and other people) make choices for you. I can't guarantee it will be easy, but I do guarantee it will be YOURS.
Mistakes and all. (I am talking to myself here,too, a gentle reminder.)
Also, take imperfectly perfect pictures of you, your life, + all of your loves.
Document it.
Share it or don't share it.
Just be a witness to your own life, you will see that it reveals a beauty unto yourself that you had no idea existed.
xoxo
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